Pain

I’m going to wax philosophical on you all in this blog. I need to write this blog. I need to write it for me and for those I love.

You see, I’ve been thinking a lot about pain lately. Why pain? I get horrible migraines. Lately they feel as though they are worse; stronger, more painful and more often. Nobody knows why. All they can tell me is I don’t have a hole in my heart. I don’t have an artery in my head ready to burst and I don’t have a brain tumor (all good things I suppose). On top of the migraines life has seemed to be a constant struggle in our home the last few years. We struggle from being busy; busy and anxiously engaged in a good cause. We’re trying to get our dad through his undergrad and into vet school. We struggle through receiving half the income we had before and the same bills two incomes used to pay. We struggle with a dear son and his ADD + NLD. We struggle through the everyday trials in life.

I’ve been turning to the scriptures to find my “Balm of Gilead” and to be honest I haven’t really found it there. I think I have been reading too literally. I feel the spirit, but I just haven’t found the balm to my soul. I don’t feel like I have a huge sin that is harrowing my soul up to repentance…although I certainly have my weeknesses. Maybe I have forgotten the Lord in all things and I’m trying harder to plant the seed of faith and remember Him.

I turned instead to our living prophet and the apostles. I called up an inspired reason for the world wide web. I got into LDS.org and typed: pain in the heart. An article from October Conference 1998 by Robert D. Hales called Healing Soul and Body, popped up. His inspired talk addressed the pains I’m feeling completely. 12 years ago, this talk was written for me. Yes, it talks of repentance but it also talks of the necessity of pain to humble us so we can hear the Lord. He says we should not dwell on the pain but remember that Christ even Jesus suffered for these pains too. Something I know but have forgotten as I wallow in my pain. He encourages us to cast our burdens no matter how small more fully upon the Lord and look for his healing balm to follow. He suggests patience…something I’ve never been very good at. It’s one of my weeknesses along with a big mouth. Yes, I am aware.

A few more good articles and talks followed Elder Hales and I read them as well. I’m hoping soon to have “Balm of Gilead” flow to my soul or to have the hope of it. I guess one day they will end and I will have that perfect body spoken of in the scriptures.

If you made it to the end of my waxing philosophical, may you be blessed with the “Balm of Gilead”.